Breakups are hard and there is no way around it. And getting your heart broken is not something easy to digest. A lot of the time a breakup can affect many different aspects of your life. So how the heck can you deal with it? Here are 21 ways to help you deal with a breakup and even start to move on and feel better again!
1. Take the time to grieve
Sometimes we underestimate the time it takes to heal from emotional wounds. We live in a world where medicines and instant treatments for our pain are accessible to many of us. How wonderful would it be, have a heartbreak pill that takes away that heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, heavy and dark feeling in your chest?
Unfortunately, with some things there simply isn’t an easy fix. Relationships are a journey, but so are breakups. And while you can’t enjoy all the stages of a breakup, it is important to actually go through them. Remember, this is part of the process. You’re supposed to feel the way you’re feeling. So let yourself feel it and go through the process – knowing it won’t last forever.
2. Give yourself alone time
As much as we want to plunge into the world of distractions and get our minds off the sound of our heart-shattering over and over again, it is actually really important to give ourselves some alone time.
It won’t be easy, and it will be painful – but it is crucial. Sit with yourself, alone, and allow yourself to feel all the things you’re feeling. Come to terms with the facts and the feelings with no one else there.
3. Cry…seriously just cry
Some people think that crying is something to avoid and it will make things worse. But that is far from the truth. Crying is a great way to release all your feelings in a healthy manner and allow yourself to grieve. Not to mention – a great way to soothe that awful ache in your chest.
So cry. Cry your heart out. You got your heart broken, the least you can do is let yourself react to it.
4. Watch sad movies
Sometimes, all we need is to see someone else living through our pain so we can relate our pain. It validates the way we feel and makes us feel just that much less alone.
5. Take a break off social media
Some of us like to use social media as a battleground after our breakups, competing with our exes to see who is hurting less. And the truth is, no one wins this battle. You’re not supposed to prove to anyone that you’re over it and moved on and doing great – because it is okay to not be all of those things.
If you really want to move on, properly, don’t compete. In fact, get off social media altogether. You don’t have to delete your accounts, just stop posting or keep it to a minimum. Don’t leave subtweets for your ex to see or post things to “prove” you’re doing great.
Do yourself a favour and leave it all behind. Don’t look at your ex’s profile no matter how tempting it might be. Remember, you’re not competing to see who can get over the other faster. In fact it’s not about them at all. It’s about you now.
6. Do some self care
No matter what gender you are, a little bit of self-care is a great way to boost your spirits. Give yourself a facial, get your nails done, do your skincare routine, have a bubble bath. Do whatever you can to pamper yourself a little in your own way. Even if it’s taking a nap or sleeping in.
7. Change something
Breakups are harder to deal with when such a big part of your life changes while the rest remains stagnant. The truth is, it is harder to deal with a breakup because we’re more reminded about what has changed when everything else aside from that is the same.
So change some things in your life. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as moving locations, but small things like your daily routine or even your appearance. Maybe change up your hair or start going to the gym. Maybe you could redecorate your house or try eating vegetarian/vegan for a while. The change in your relationship status will feel less daunting when other things in your life are changing as well.
8. Write letters to your ex (you don’t send them)
Breakups can be particularly hard when we don’t know how to get the closure we’re looking for and have too much to say to the ones who hurt us (or we hurt). You can’t always just straight up say it all to the other person, but a way to give yourself closure is to write letters to your ex.
You’ll never have to send these letters, so pour your heart out into it. Make it as long as you want and say whatever you’ve been holding in. Not only does this help validate your feelings but it also helps solidify them. When they’re more solid, they’re easier to deal with, accept and move on from.
You can write as many as you want or maybe just one final goodbye.
9. Spend time with your loved ones
Whether it is your friends or family, at one stage it becomes critical to surround yourself with them. For some people, this might be immediately after the breakup and for others, it might be after having some time alone. Remember, there is no timeline or deadline so go at your own pace.
Do fun things with your loved ones or simply just spend time together in their presence. You don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready, but having people physically there is going to be a big asset to your recovery.
10. Read poetry
As said before, it is beyond comforting when we feel less alone in our pain. It is even more comforting when someone puts our complicated feelings into words. Poetry is a beautiful way to let ourselves feel heard and related to. It is important we validate the way we feel for only after our feelings are validated can we accept and move on from them.
11. Clean something
Cleaning is a great way to distract yourself in a productive way. Do a deep cleaning of your house and leave no corner untouched. If it becomes overwhelming and exhausting, it is okay to sit down and have a little crying break. As long as you get up again and do something to take care of your surroundings, you’ll feel much better for it.
12. Find a new hobby
Wanted change is a great way to help us cope with the unwanted changes in our lives. A great way to keep your mind busy is to get a new hobby. You can do something on your own or with more people, whatever feels more comfortable for you. Whether it’s painting or playing a new instrument or even learning a new language, find something to channel your feelings into.
13. Spend time with animals
There is nothing more comforting than a cuddle from our furry friends. If you already have an animal, they’ll be nothing but grateful to have you closer to them. If you don’t have an animal and can’t find the time to commit to adopting/buying one, fostering animals is a great option.
You can also work at animal shelters or as a dog walker or rescue volunteer.
14. Find people to relate to
Maybe another friend of yours is also going through a breakup. Perhaps you can find online forums or groups where people struggling with breakups can talk and interact. It is an amazing feeling to feel truly understood by someone else. And we feel most understood by someone when they have experiences similar to ours.
It is a great way to bond, form a connection and support each other through this difficult stage of your life.
15. Don’t let the bad days deter you
The truth is, moving on has its bad days, just like everything else. Some days you’ll feel over the moon and will hardly think of your ex at all. But maybe the day after is a mess of crying and hurting all over again. This doesn’t mean that your progress has been wasted – far from it.
Every single bad day, is one less bad day to being completely okay. Humans are complicated and our emotions are even more complicated. It is completely normal for you to be okay one day and everything but okay the next day. However, you can’t let that deter you. Let yourself feel what you need to, know that it doesn’t reflect on your progress at all and trust that tomorrow will be better.
16. Focus on yourself
Instead of investing all that time into someone else – now you get to invest it in yourself! So give yourself some of your own time. You deserve it, you really do.
Give more attention to your career, your health or your diet. Do things that make you Happy. Work on making yourself a better person. Self reflect, experience things, give more time to your work/study. It’s all about you now and I promise, it’s not a bad thing.
17. Turn your feelings into art
You don’t have to be a master painter or a world famous poet to convey your feelings at all. But this is a great way to express your feelings and come to terms with them. Pick a creative activity you resonate most strongly with. Painting, song writing, musical instruments, poetry. You don’t even have to be good at any of these things.
In fact you’re not doing this to show anyone either. It can be something you keep to yourself, but it is a great way to help you grieve in an expressive way nonetheless.
Working out and putting more effort directly into your body and physical appearance is a great distraction for breakups. Not only will you feel healthier, stronger and more confident but it will help release endorphins which will inevitably help you feel better after a breakup.
19. Two words: Sad songs
Similarly to poetry, it is beyond comforting when we feel less alone in our pain. It is even more comforting when someone puts our complicated feelings into words. Or in this case, music. Besides nothing quite beats having a nice long cry to some heartbreaking songs.
20. Be kind to yourself
Part of why a breakup hurt so much is because they are laced with rejection. And often, when rejected, it can take a toll on our confidence. So it is absolutely crucial that you remain kind to yourself. Your breakup is not a reflection of what you deserve to be treated like as a person.
If you’re taking longer than you’d hoped for to move on or you’re having a bad day after so many good days – it is okay.
Be kind to yourself, you need it.
21. Learn to be happy single
For people in relationships, especially long term ones, they become used to being with someone. The idea of being single and on their own can become terrifying. Which is part of why it becomes so hard to move on from a breakup. The truth is that, while our relationships can contribute to our happiness, they shouldn’t be the sole source of our happiness.
There is more to life than finding “the one” or someone to be companions with. You don’t need a partner to be happy at all. You have your friends and your family and your dreams and your career and most importantly – yourself. Learn to happy with these things and just these things alone before you try to go looking for another relationship.
Because the truth is, until you learn to be happy single, you will always end up in relationships seeking a new source of happiness. And if we aren’t enough for even ourselves to be happy, how can we expect to find that in someone else?
Read our article on 3 easy steps to transform yourself into the person you want to be.