Are you your own worst critic? Are you wrestling with a lot of insecurities and self-doubt and never feel good enough but don’t know why?
When you internalize the idea of not being good enough you don’t appreciate yourself enough. When you’re too harsh and demanding with yourself it leads you to believe that you don’t deserve anything in life. It’s only human nature to doubt yourself. But it’s important to know when it goes from self-improvement to self-destruction.
Here are seven of the most likely reasons why you don’t feel good enough
1. You’re overly self-critical
Do you find it hard to forgive yourself for your mistakes? Do you immediately blame yourself when something goes wrong in your life?
Research has shown that our day to day thoughts can have a powerful impact on our feelings, behaviours and attitudes. So if you often talk down to yourself a lot and criticize yourself too harshly it would certainly result in low self-esteem, pessimistic thinking and feelings of inadequacy.
These negative beliefs inform the way you feel about yourself. If you keep listening to your own negativity you’ll never feel like you’re good enough.
2. You always compare yourself to others
As the saying goes, “comparison is the thief of joy”. Making comparisons does not only hurt your self-esteem but also causes misery. A lot of us are guilty of doing this especially when we’re feeling insecure or doubting ourselves.
But social comparisons only make you feel worse because the reality is there will always be someone who you consider better than yourself. Focusing too much on competing with everyone else and seeing how you measure up to them will just leave you feeling bitter envious and resentful of both others and yourself.
3. You’re surrounded by toxic people
Do your so-called friends like to prey on your insecurities and make fun of you for them? Does your partner tear you down with backhanded compliments and thinly veiled judgment? Is your family unsupportive of everything you do?
Sometimes the problem might not lie so much in yourself but in the people, you choose to surround yourself with. The people you love are supposed to boost your self-confidence and help you see the good in yourself but all unhealthy relationships do is constantly make you question your own self-worth.
No matter how hard you try you’ll never feel good enough as long as you’re surrounded by toxic people like this.
4. Your parents were too demanding growing up
Did your parents set unrealistically high goals for you? Did they expect you to become the next child prodigy the best in the class? The most obedient, the star athlete and so on.
All children grow up wanting to please their parents and craving their unconditional love and acceptance but most parents don’t give their love freely. This leads you to grow up thinking that your worth is conditional and that you’re only ever as good as the things you’re able to accomplish.
5. You struggle with abandonment issues
Do you have trouble maintaining close meaningful relationships with others? If you struggle with low self-esteem or poor self-image it might be a sign that you’re struggling with abandonment issues.
Divorce, death and other painful ends to important relationships can leave you with a strong and oftentimes subconscious fear of being abandoned. The worst part is, this causes you to believe that it’s your fault your loved ones walked out on you and that it’s because you weren’t good enough in some way – which isn’t true.
6. You have unhealed emotional trauma
Were you ever in an abusive relationship be it physically or emotionally? Were you ever the victim of any violent crime or bullied or neglected as a child?
Studies show that over 70% of adults experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime and of these people up to 20% go on to develop PTSD or other serious mental illnesses.
When we don’t heal from our emotional trauma it can lead to a lot of anger guilt regret frustration and hate that’s often directed towards your own self. Your unhealed trauma leads you to believe you don’t deserve anything good in your life.
7. You’re suffering from depression
Last, but certainly not least, if you’ve been struggling to feel good enough for a long time it could be because you’re actually suffering from clinical depression.
Among one of the most recognizable symptoms of depression are strong feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing. Others include a depressed mood, over fatigue, lack of energy, loss of interest and motivation, suicidal ideation and a disturbance in sleep or appetite.
If you suspect you might be suffering from clinical depression it is recommended you seek help and get diagnosed by a professional
You can read our article on 12 recovery steps to help you battle your depression if you suspect you might be suffering from depression.
If you cannot find any therapists or mental health professionals in your area, I strongly recommend the online therapy platform: BetterHelp. It is an extremely affordable online therapy platform. It helps connect you with professional, licenced therapists who are experienced in many different fields of mental health. You can apply for financial assistance if needed, however, rates are already extremely affordable (around $60 to $90 per week) in comparison to traditional therapy.
Have you been struggling to feel good enough for a long time? It’s only natural to feel like you’re not good enough sometimes. For many of us, it’s a lifelong struggle to love and accept ourselves for who we really are.
Sadness insecurity and self-doubt are all a part of the spectrum of healthy human emotions that we all feel from time to time. But with enough patience support and dedication, it gets easier over time. So don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health care professional and talk to them about how you feel