One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because one person feels unloved by their partner. They don’t see their partner doing or investing in things that can show them that they are loved. However, one thing we’re forgetting is that everyone has a different love language…and it might not be the same as yours.

To truly understand your partner and have them understand you, it is important that you both are aware of each other’s love languages. People show each other that they care through different means. But when we aren’t aware of what each other’s love languages are, it can cause misunderstandings and hurt when our partner’s don’t use our own love languages – because that’s the only love we know! So here are the 5 love languages, what they mean and how we can show love according to them.

1. Acts Of Service

This is all about doing things for your partner out of consideration to lessen their burden. This love language focuses on action. If this is your partner’s love language, they don’t want you to just say you’ll always be there for them – they want you to show it too. They want you to actively be doing things to show them that you love them.

How can you show love?

• Helping around with chores
• Making them breakfast
• Doing small household tasks without being asked
• Helping them carry something
• Making them coffee
• Offering to give help with work etc.

2. Physical Touch

For people with this love language, being close to their partners physically is very important to them. They don’t necessarily want to hear that they are loved – it is more important that you show them physically that you love them. This doesn’t have to be sexual at all. In fact, most of the time it can be something as small as touching their arm or leg now and then. Physically touching your partner (hugs, cuddles, kissing, randomly touching them) and being close to them.

How can you show love?

• Hugging them
• Cuddling frequently
• Lots of kisses (even if they’re small and quick)
• Hand holding
• Touching them randomly in an affectionate way
• Rubbing their back
• Giving them a massage

3. Gift Giving

It is often mistaken that people who have the love language of gift-giving are materialistic. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth! To people with this love language, it isn’t much about the gift at all – rather the thoughts that went behind the gift instead. These gifts don’t have to be grand or expensive. As long as they are tokens of appreciation to show that you took the effort to get them something meaningful and thoughtful or just to show that you were thinking about them throughout the day, is how they see your love.

How can you show love?

• Getting them their favourite flowers
• Getting them their favourite drink/snack
• Get them a souvenir from your travels
• Buy them a small item you saw at the store that reminded you of them

4. Words Of Affirmation

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, being verbally appreciated is what counts for them. Verbally affirming to your partner by saying sweet, kind and loving things to them frequently will show them that they are loved. They need regular reassurance and affirmation to feel loved, appreciated, cared for and respected.

How can you show love?

• Complimenting them often
• Praising them
• Verbally expressing to them how much they mean to you
• Telling them that you’re proud of them
• Writing them thoughtful notes or letters
• Saying “I love you” often

5. Quality Time

For people who have the love language of quality time, it is most important to them that they get to spend lots of time with the one they love. This doesn’t necessarily have to be something new or expensive, they just enjoy being in the company of their loved ones and being close to them doing things together.

How can you show love?

• Going on dates frequently
• Designated time to spend together
• Running errands together
• Watching a movie together
• Having meals together 
• Going on walks together

As you can see, the love languages are all very different, yet all very valid. It can be easy to misunderstand your partner’s love language if you don’t know what it is. You might think your partner doesn’t love/appreciate you if you’re only looking at things from the perspective of your own love language.

So sit down with your partner, take the love language test, and exchange results. Sit down and have a look through your partner’s results.

By doing this, you can better understand the ways they show you love and the ways that you can show them love.

So if your love language is words of affirmation but your partner’s is acts of service, next time you want to go out of your way to show them that you care about them, instead of saying affirming words, do an act of service for them.

Also remind yourself of your partner’s love language frequently so that you can pick up on when they are showing you love. By doing this, you can feel loved, but also show them appreciation for it.

Want to know more ways you can improve your relationship? Read our article on 18 little things you can do to immediately improve your relationship.